- Why does she not just leave? – It is never as easy as that; sometimes the fear of violence is worse than the actual violence itself. It is extremely difficult to leave for fear of what the abusive partner may do. There may have already been threats to kill her or her children. An abused woman’s self esteem will have been worn down, she may not believe she can cope alone, or have the money to do so. In emotional terms she has made a huge investment in the relationship and wants it to work. She may remember the good times at the start of the relationships and hopes that the partner may change. Safety planning is very important and we are able to help with any decision, when you are ready to make it.
- Do alcohol and drugs make a man violent? – Many men are violent when they are stone cold sober. Blaming drink and drugs is an excuse and may be a trigger but never an excuse.
- Domestic abuse only happens in poor families on council estates – Anyone can be abused no matter where they live or how much money they have, and whatever profession they are in.
- Some women like violence – Women do not like violence; most abused women live in fear and terror and the victim is never to blame.
- Women ask for it, they deserve it! – Women are often attacked for no apparent reason. No matter what has happened a woman does not deserve to be beaten. Violence and intimidation are not ways to solve conflict in any relationship.
- Abusive men have a mental illness – Research has shown that men with mental health problems is no higher than society as a whole. If abusive men were mentally ill then why do they only abuse their partners and not strangers, friends or colleagues?
- He only hit her because he was stressed – losing your temper or being out of control is very much being in control! Often they choose when and where they hit their partner, on areas of the body that are not on show, while they are in private. They are very aware of what they are doing.
- Domestic abuse is a private matter and you shouldn’t get involved – we are ALL affected by domestic abuse; it is a crime and it is everyone’s issue. Everyone has a responsibility to speak out against it.